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Thread: Alimony horror story

  1. #11
    Deidre,you show your youthful ignorance, no offense,

    What Plummer says is correct, if we had walked on water, & turned stones into fish we would still have been sent to the slaughter house !
    Last edited by joeyd; 01-09-2017 at 09:56 PM.

  2. #12
    yes the power imbalance whereby the man stands to lose everything, and the woman stands only to gain, poisons the traditionally mutually beneficial relationship. its no longer two ppl working together for the family, its the man unappreciated, disrespected, often grovelling servant, being lucky to be there, see his kids, remain solvent, stay out of jail etc.

    its a great setup for greedy power hungry women and a vote hungry govt. but of course to the detriment of children fathers and society.


    I gotta say, the world women have voted, and lobbied and demanded for us, seems a tad self centered and self serving and without compassion for men, or concern for the children or the future.

    before a man gives himself, unconditionally and completely trusting as required, he'd be wise to consider how little that devotion and commitment will be regarded.

    mgtow, starve the beast, and fiddle while rome burns, is unfortuneately the appropriate response.
    A man can gain no more respect than by, laying down his life for a woman. And a woman, no more than by, beating down a man. For a man to ask, what is fair and good and true and just, is to offend.

  3. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Deidre View Post
    Plummer, You mention that you saw yourself as "blue pill," ever wonder what might have happened if you were exhibiting more "red pill" behaviors when you were married? Do you ever wonder? Might she have backed down or found those traits to be argumentative? The whole dynamic would have been different but just makes one wonder...what if. She is an unstable woman to use her kids like pawns, so it's hard to say if she would be attracted to red pill, since she dominates so much. Idk?
    Funny you would ask this... As there were a few times during our marriage, that I absolutely had to step in and just take charge, and tell her no.

    If memory serves, during our engagement, she got so immature, I flat told her that the wedding is OFF.. That I loved her, and wanted to be with her, but I felt that she just wasn't mature enough to handle marriage... But if she felt like that was a deal breaker for her, I'd hate to see her go, but so be it, if she chose...

    She immediately shaped up, and became the model partner... and did so for about a year. Then she came to me one day and said that either we get married, or she's moving on, because her daughter was getting ready to begin school, and if I was intending on marrying and adopting her daughter, she wanted it done before our daughter started school, as she wanted her name change to be complete before she started... I thought about it, and agreed, as she had demonstrated a great maturity improvement. It was an act that she soon abandoned after the wedding.

    Another time, I was unable to broach sensitive topics with her, unless there was a third party present, to prevent her from going into extreme rages... I had had enough of her shit... we were currently in marriage counseling, and it was not doing ANY good... In fact, things were getting worse, as she was using counseling as a 'reconnaissance mission' to discover what I was thinking to develop a strategy to further manipulate me... I waited till the next counseling day, and when she arrived, I announced that the counselor was no longer needed, as I was divorcing her (right in front of her)... She sat silent, while the counselor attempted to convince me that even if I divorced her, that I would need to continue to see him, to prepare me for the next relationship... (see what I mean about counselors being concerned only about their income) Instead of seeing this as an emergency opportunity to speak to my wife about her behavior, he wanted me to divorce her, as I was his 'client', and he didn't want to lose me as a customer...

    Once she got home, she demanded that I leave while she packed... I did for a few hours, when I returned, expecting a destroyed house, or at least her moving things out... To my surprise, the entire house was perfectly clean, dinner was on the table, and she was the most pleasant wifey one could imagine (June Cleaver style)... She told me that she was going to save our marriage... That she was going to do whatever it takes to stay married... we talked about it, I told her what I needed, and she agreed that she would... And she did, for a while. It was all just an act.

    Once she filed for divorce, she wouldn't move out... And our marriage got MUCH better... She was great... She even asked me, "Why couldn't you be like this during our marriage?" I asked, "like What?" Like you are your old self... I said that there was "no pressure" anymore... that what she said or did didn't matter anymore, so I don't have to please her anymore, that I'm doing for ME now, so the pressure was gone... She loved it, for a while, and she stayed... But it was just an act.

    What I'm getting at here is, she would press an issue, and I'd out logic and reason her to the logical decision that what she wanted was a bad idea... And she'd have to capitulate for a time... but she always came back to it, with a different 'battle plan'... eventually she would always figure out a way to get what she wanted, by manipulation, as I couldn't just say like you say to a child... "No, that's final. Because I said so."

    I always felt like we were 'equal' partners, and I had no more authority over her than she had with me... but that always led her to try to take the lead, and always escalated the issue to near violence. and I'd give in... Giving way to her desires...

    The shit tests were relentless, and always escalating to further 'upping the ante'... And I wouldn't go to the level that she was pushing me to, or I'd obviously be subject to being arrested as a 'Duluth model' wife abuser, that she could use against me...

    Lesson here is, If your future wife is acting immature during the engagement phase, don't take her back IF she changes... It doesn't work, unless she is determined to actually seek help in her change, because she will always revert back to what she was before, as her change is just an act to get you suckered back into the relationship, so she can feel secure enough to revert back to her old abusive ways...

    Unfortunately that's what marriage is to a man... It puts him at a distinct disadvantage to being able to ultimately have any control at all over the relationship... I suppose that's why its said that women "TRAP" men into marriage...
    Ephesians 5 "Husbands, Love your wives like Christ loved the Church". (Wives, give your husbands something to love).
    "Wives, RESPECT your husbands". (Husbands, give your wives something to respect.)

    For a man does not truly feel loved unless his wife, mother, and children display respect to him.

    "From each MAN according to his abilty, to each WOMAN according to her need"... Allison Tienemann

    "Feminism is a HATE group... Feminists are HATEFUL people"... Mr. e

    "In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem."... Ronald Reagan


  4. #14
    Senior Member Deidre's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by theplummer View Post
    Funny you would ask this... As there were a few times during our marriage, that I absolutely had to step in and just take charge, and tell her no.

    If memory serves, during our engagement, she got so immature, I flat told her that the wedding is OFF.. That I loved her, and wanted to be with her, but I felt that she just wasn't mature enough to handle marriage... But if she felt like that was a deal breaker for her, I'd hate to see her go, but so be it, if she chose...

    She immediately shaped up, and became the model partner... and did so for about a year. Then she came to me one day and said that either we get married, or she's moving on, because her daughter was getting ready to begin school, and if I was intending on marrying and adopting her daughter, she wanted it done before our daughter started school, as she wanted her name change to be complete before she started... I thought about it, and agreed, as she had demonstrated a great maturity improvement. It was an act that she soon abandoned after the wedding.

    Another time, I was unable to broach sensitive topics with her, unless there was a third party present, to prevent her from going into extreme rages... I had had enough of her shit... we were currently in marriage counseling, and it was not doing ANY good... In fact, things were getting worse, as she was using counseling as a 'reconnaissance mission' to discover what I was thinking to develop a strategy to further manipulate me... I waited till the next counseling day, and when she arrived, I announced that the counselor was no longer needed, as I was divorcing her (right in front of her)... She sat silent, while the counselor attempted to convince me that even if I divorced her, that I would need to continue to see him, to prepare me for the next relationship... (see what I mean about counselors being concerned only about their income) Instead of seeing this as an emergency opportunity to speak to my wife about her behavior, he wanted me to divorce her, as I was his 'client', and he didn't want to lose me as a customer...

    Once she got home, she demanded that I leave while she packed... I did for a few hours, when I returned, expecting a destroyed house, or at least her moving things out... To my surprise, the entire house was perfectly clean, dinner was on the table, and she was the most pleasant wifey one could imagine (June Cleaver style)... She told me that she was going to save our marriage... That she was going to do whatever it takes to stay married... we talked about it, I told her what I needed, and she agreed that she would... And she did, for a while. It was all just an act.

    Once she filed for divorce, she wouldn't move out... And our marriage got MUCH better... She was great... She even asked me, "Why couldn't you be like this during our marriage?" I asked, "like What?" Like you are your old self... I said that there was "no pressure" anymore... that what she said or did didn't matter anymore, so I don't have to please her anymore, that I'm doing for ME now, so the pressure was gone... She loved it, for a while, and she stayed... But it was just an act.

    What I'm getting at here is, she would press an issue, and I'd out logic and reason her to the logical decision that what she wanted was a bad idea... And she'd have to capitulate for a time... but she always came back to it, with a different 'battle plan'... eventually she would always figure out a way to get what she wanted, by manipulation, as I couldn't just say like you say to a child... "No, that's final. Because I said so."

    I always felt like we were 'equal' partners, and I had no more authority over her than she had with me... but that always led her to try to take the lead, and always escalated the issue to near violence. and I'd give in... Giving way to her desires...

    The shit tests were relentless, and always escalating to further 'upping the ante'... And I wouldn't go to the level that she was pushing me to, or I'd obviously be subject to being arrested as a 'Duluth model' wife abuser, that she could use against me...

    Lesson here is, If your future wife is acting immature during the engagement phase, don't take her back IF she changes... It doesn't work, unless she is determined to actually seek help in her change, because she will always revert back to what she was before, as her change is just an act to get you suckered back into the relationship, so she can feel secure enough to revert back to her old abusive ways...

    Unfortunately that's what marriage is to a man... It puts him at a distinct disadvantage to being able to ultimately have any control at all over the relationship... I suppose that's why its said that women "TRAP" men into marriage...
    Wow, it's great that you finally got out of that horrible marriage. Imagine if you were still in it. From your stories, it's a safe guess that your wife is an abuser. She abused you and abuses her kids. It is amazing to me that she has been granted sole custody, but we know that the courts are biased. But, she is an abuser, and they rarely if ever change. All the counseling in the world will only feed her ego, and what is saddest of all about these stories, is that her daughters are learning from her, and will likely be like her with men they meet. Hopefully, they'll break the cycle though and realize that you were a good dad all along, and their mom is an abuser.

  5. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Deidre View Post
    Wow, it's great that you finally got out of that horrible marriage. Imagine if you were still in it. From your stories, it's a safe guess that your wife is an abuser. She abused you and abuses her kids. It is amazing to me that she has been granted sole custody, but we know that the courts are biased. But, she is an abuser, and they rarely if ever change. All the counseling in the world will only feed her ego, and what is saddest of all about these stories, is that her daughters are learning from her, and will likely be like her with men they meet. Hopefully, they'll break the cycle though and realize that you were a good dad all along, and their mom is an abuser.
    D... Thanks for the kind words, and from my perspective, I obviously agree.... But I do have some accountability also... I could have been a better husband... But at one point I made the conscious decision saying "What's the use"... I checked out... Because it didn't matter what I did, how I did it, or on the timeframe that she expected, it was never good enough... I knew no matter what I did, I would get castigated for it, so I consciously chose many times to do NOTHING... Because doing nothing and getting yelled at was a easier path than doing something and getting yelled at...

    I suppose the takeaway for you, of which I don't think you need much lesson learned, as you seem to be able to see things better from a different perspective than my ex, is that when you instinctively give your man a bit of a shit test (and I know you will, because it is in your nature as a woman), take his dominance as the security you need to feel that he's worthy of your affection... And don't constantly escalate the situation...

    I think my ex was raised in an extremely violent and sexually abusive family, one that I'm sure you were never exposed to... So I highly doubt that you'd ever escalate to the level my ex would...

    Two things I'd like for others to ponder... You never lose, till you give up... So if there's any hope in salvation of a relationship, always 'stay in the pocket' and keep communicating...

    Also, IF you discover that your playing a rigged game, the only way to play is to refuse to play.

    I discovered the latter, too late... If I had learned that one earlier, things would surely have played out differently for me...

    I share these stories now, in hopes of helping others whom read this, as writing these stories no longer effect me in an emotional way, as they used to..

    Now it's just sad... sad that I can't fix it.... Sad that I've come to realize that unless someone your in conflict with actually WANTS to work things out, it's a pointless venture... If you continue to try, when the other party no longer wants association with you, and you try, you'll only push them further away, as they will see or feel that you are being manipulative...

    That's why I no longer even attempt to make any contact with my daughters...As they don't want to have any contact with me... Because they do not want any association with me, (no matter where these ideas are coming from) All I can do, is hope, pray, and be patient that at some point in the future, they decide to open back up and reach out to me...

    It sucks because my youngest just had her 14th birthday on Sunday, and knowing that I can't even text her to say happy birthday, because she would feel that I'm 'pushing' her, and I feel it would be more destructive if I did...

    And the courts don't care... Again, they are looking for the 'easy' way out... Cookie cutter divorce... High profit, low effort relationship destruction machine...
    Ephesians 5 "Husbands, Love your wives like Christ loved the Church". (Wives, give your husbands something to love).
    "Wives, RESPECT your husbands". (Husbands, give your wives something to respect.)

    For a man does not truly feel loved unless his wife, mother, and children display respect to him.

    "From each MAN according to his abilty, to each WOMAN according to her need"... Allison Tienemann

    "Feminism is a HATE group... Feminists are HATEFUL people"... Mr. e

    "In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem."... Ronald Reagan


  6. #16
    You make kids, you have to pay for them no matter what. Nothing new. 1800 shekels per month goes to his kid(s). If you don't want to be in this kind of situation, don't have fucking kids...how easy it that? On the plus side, the fresh fruit should help fight his cancer.
    Unfortunately, I can't drink anymore. I seem to be allergic to alcohol. Whenever I drink, I break out in handcuffs.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Mifune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by oldblueeyes View Post
    You make kids, you have to pay for them no matter what. Nothing new. 1800 shekels per month goes to his kid(s). If you don't want to be in this kind of situation, don't have fucking kids...how easy it that? On the plus side, the fresh fruit should help fight his cancer.
    Unless he court's taking 65% of his anti-oxidants, holding onto them for a few months and then passing them to his ex-wife too.
    "...but when she goes off you, she will not just walk away, she will walk away with your fucking skin in a jar." ~~ DoctorRandomercam
    "The laws of man, they don't apply when blood gets in a woman's eye" - The Black Keys

  8. #18
    One of the big lies told to divorced men, often by their own mothers is: "Son, pay child support and when they grow up, they will come looking for you."

    Not just a lie, but a damned lie. The mothers of divorced men too often are part of the female herd and work to keep you in harness for the benefit of another woman.

    Remember the phrase, Raise them up in the way they should go. Girls raised to hate their father do not ever completely stop hating their fathers. I hear tales to the contrary, but five years later, they are gone again.

    And, just as you lose your kids, your grandkids are gone.

    This is another of many topics where I ask why so many men stay in a nation which treats them this way, when there are other places to live where men are respected more.
    The poorest, most miserable, uneducated black antebellum slave knew to run north if given the option. Only a small percentage of American Men even contemplate GTHO.

  9. #19
    Senior Member mr_e's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by menrppl2 View Post
    yes the power imbalance whereby the man stands to lose everything, and the woman stands only to gain, poisons the traditionally mutually beneficial relationship. its no longer two ppl working together for the family, its the man unappreciated, disrespected, often grovelling servant, being lucky to be there, see his kids, remain solvent, stay out of jail etc.

    its a great setup for greedy power hungry women and a vote hungry govt. but of course to the detriment of children fathers and society.


    I gotta say, the world women have voted, and lobbied and demanded for us, seems a tad self centered and self serving and without compassion for men, or concern for the children or the future.

    before a man gives himself, unconditionally and completely trusting as required, he'd be wise to consider how little that devotion and commitment will be regarded.

    mgtow, starve the beast, and fiddle while rome burns, is unfortuneately the appropriate response.


    A Mr. E-ism: You cannot bargain with a man who has nothing to lose, or a man who has nothing to gain.
    FEMINISM is a HATE GROUP - Feminists are HATEFUL PEOPLE
    It's time to call it out for what it is.

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