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Thread: Herpes, Any Good Reason To "Disclose"?

  1. #1

    Herpes, Any Good Reason To "Disclose"?

    Alright, this should be an interesting topic. So a little history about me, I was a virgin until ~24, and then I decided to deal with that problem by spending some time with a pro. Of course it didn't stop there, and I'd estimate I've seen ~15 different women over the course of a year.
    I took all the usual precautions of course, but what they don't tell you in this fun time hookup culture is that not all std's can be avoided by wearing a condom. Hpv and Herpes seem to be the main culprits for stds that a massive percentage of sexually active adults are infected with, often without any visible symptoms.

    Hpv can cause various types of cancer, although it is rare that this occurs. Usually hpv is flushed from the body with no long term symptoms. Herpes is much less dangerous, although in rare cases it can spread to the brain and is somewhat dangerous to infants during child birth.
    From what I have read, many people go their entire lives without having a visible Herpes outbreak, even though they are still capable of transmitting the virus via inconspicuous shedding. Others may occasionally have an outbreak, but it might not progress to visible sores, only going so far as a mild irritation/itch.
    Then of course there are the poor unlucky saps who have full blown visible outbreaks, sores, and scabbing. These are the poor saps that actually have to own up to the fact that they most definitely have herpes, and face the social stigma attached.

    Since condoms are only ~50% effective at preventing Herpes, and it can be spread even when an outbreak isn't occurring, I didn't really believe I'd be able to avoid it forever. As far as I can tell I seem to be a moderate case, a bit of itchiness during an outbreak and no other visible signs. Since they don't have a blood test available for Herps in my part of the world (they only test if sores are visible), I'm pretty much stuck knowing I probably have it but don't "officially" have it.
    I'm not really sure what all the fuss is about, there seems to be a lot of ignorance and a lot of social distancing occurring for something that is essentially little more a nuisance than the common cold. Something that many people probably already have but don't have symptoms, so they can maintain their precious "clean" status.

    I remember a rather intriguing conversation I had with a whore wherein I asked her what she does to protect herself. She was genuinely surprised at the notion that Herpes is often asymptomatic and easily transferable even with condoms, and she was one of the brighter ones.
    So I'm in a bit of a conundrum, as much as I'd like to crush this compulsive honesty bug and just do whatever the hell I like, I know it probably wouldn't do good things for my mental health long term.
    So I leave the discussion to you, the community at large. What would you do if you we're ~75% certain you had herpes but didn't have an official status? Ignore it, disclose everything on the first date, or perhaps only disclose if the topic of stds comes up?

    I feel as though I'm leaning towards a "fuck it" attitude. Perhaps if the medical community took education and prevention of Herps a little more seriously, and there was less societal alarmist thinking surrounding the topic, I might be a little more inclined to think people deserve honesty. I do wonder what's worse, someone born dishonest, or someone compulsively honest who would do anything to get the honesty monkey off their back...
    I seem to have a lot less sympathy for pros than I do for the average girl "innocently" looking to rope a guy into an ltr. Perhaps it's because pros should really already know what they are getting into, or maybe I'm just jaded because I probably got this itch from a pro.
    Last edited by mik1; 03-18-2017 at 03:36 PM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member voidspawn's Avatar
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    I don't know what your hook up culture is like, so I'll just assume it ain't that different to the local one, but I don't participate there either.

    First dates don't necessarily have to be about sex. Let's assume it isn't. Then it's about getting to know each other, and in the game, it's about best foot forward to see if you want to put more effort in. As such a full list of your personal diseases and watnots isn't vital. But it will be at some point if it goes further.

    When sex is on the cards. Disclosure is important, you should do proper preventative and risk research and your partner should as well, then if you agree take those steps or abstain.

    It doesn't make it impossible to find a sexual partner, after all you do get prospects who have it themselves already ;>

    If you like a woman enough to have sex with her, I'd assume you'd like her enough to help her avoid any form of illness or injury, let alone being the one to pass it to her. That's just kinda common sense. It doesn't matter if it's mild, if it's preventable / there is a risk factor any person has the right to decide for themselves.

    The pro should have respected your right to decide the risk of getting it.
    "...especially when it comes to communication, it can be observed, if it is not a negotiation it's a war."
    Quote Originally Posted by menrppl2 View Post
    Can't live with em, life is great without them.

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by voidspawn View Post
    I don't know what your hook up culture is like, so I'll just assume it ain't that different to the local one, but I don't participate there either.

    First dates don't necessarily have to be about sex. Let's assume it isn't. Then it's about getting to know each other, and in the game, it's about best foot forward to see if you want to put more effort in. As such a full list of your personal diseases and watnots isn't vital. But it will be at some point if it goes further.

    When sex is on the cards. Disclosure is important, you should do proper preventative and risk research and your partner should as well, then if you agree take those steps or abstain.

    It doesn't make it impossible to find a sexual partner, after all you do get prospects who have it themselves already ;>

    If you like a woman enough to have sex with her, I'd assume you'd like her enough to help her avoid any form of illness or injury, let alone being the one to pass it to her. That's just kinda common sense. It doesn't matter if it's mild, if it's preventable / there is a risk factor any person has the right to decide for themselves.

    The pro should have respected your right to decide the risk of getting it.
    ~65% of adults have type 1 herpes, another ~20% of adults have type 2, many don't know they have it/don't present symptoms. I'm really trying to find a good reason to tell someone I may have it when the only evidence I have is a rash. I guess I can just educate people on the reality that they probably already have Herpes, since people seem to be so genuinely naive.

    It will eventually boil down to whether or not I find someone whom I genuinely care about. So far I'm not entirely sure I am capable of such feelings. I mean, I'm kind of hesitant to continue having sex with the pros but I really feel as though they should know better. The only reason I'm even considering this is because of visible symptoms, I've probably got a few dozen strains of hpv as well and couldn't care less about it.
    Last edited by mik1; 03-18-2017 at 06:39 PM.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Deidre's Avatar
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    If the relationship is heading towards a sexual one, the person you're about to have sex with has a right to know, IMO. So, yes you should always disclose before taking things to a sexual level. I don't think it needs to come up on a first date, you might not even want to continue dating the person. But if you sense things are getting serious and sex is going to likely happen, then disclosure is the ethical and responsible thing to do.

  5. #5
    Senior Member voidspawn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mik1 View Post
    Something like 85% percent of adults have type 1 herpes, another ~50% of adults have type 2, many don't know they have it. I'm really trying to find a good reason to tell someone I may have it when the only evidence I have is a rash. I guess I can just educate people on the reality that they probably already have Herpes, since people seem to be so genuinely naive.

    It will eventually boil down to whether or not I find someone whom I genuinely care about. So far I'm not entirely sure I am capable of such feelings. I mean, I'm kind of hesitant to continue having sex with the pros but I really feel as though they should know better. The only reason I'm even considering this is because of visible symptoms, I've probably got a few dozen strains of hpv as well and couldn't care less about it.
    Sounds like your head and conscience is in the right place. No idea about the morality of disclosure and assumptions with pros. I'd expect a sex worker to have an informed view and practice safe sex. But I don't know what to expect if one did disclose, an additional charge? Hope someone better informed replies to your thread.
    "...especially when it comes to communication, it can be observed, if it is not a negotiation it's a war."
    Quote Originally Posted by menrppl2 View Post
    Can't live with em, life is great without them.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Deidre View Post
    If the relationship is heading towards a sexual one, the person you're about to have sex with has a right to know, IMO. So, yes you should always disclose before taking things to a sexual level. I don't think it needs to come up on a first date, you might not even want to continue dating the person. But if you sense things are getting serious and sex is going to likely happen, then disclosure is the ethical and responsible thing to do.
    Rights are a funny thing you know? Particularly "rights" that have no chance of enforcement. Nature doesn't recognize rights, society and laws do, as far as I can tell all rights are privileges.
    Or to put it a little less philosophically, I had a rash, something that may or may not be herpes, and they don't test anything other than sores here. So I'm not under any legal obligation to do anything, and any "rights" are in fact null and void.
    Ethics are as varied as the individual, and I grow a little tired of having my responsibility brought up when this forum was founded on the grounds of women actively choosing to avoid responsibility. Do I really owe them anything?

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by voidspawn View Post
    Sounds like your head and conscience is in the right place. No idea about the morality of disclosure and assumptions with pros. I'd expect a sex worker to have an informed view and practice safe sex. But I don't know what to expect if one did disclose, an additional charge? Hope someone better informed replies to your thread.
    You think so? Let me provide an alternative train of thought. Perhaps I just pride myself on my honesty, perhaps I don't really care heads or tails about any individuals, I certainly don't remember caring emotionally for others for quite some time. Pride is an important aspect of a narcissist or sociopath after all. They say narcissists and sociopaths are incapable of such self analysis, but it can be fun to keep people guessing wouldn't you say

  8. #8
    Senior Member Deidre's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mik1 View Post
    Rights are a funny thing you know? Particularly "rights" that have no chance of enforcement. Nature doesn't recognize rights, society and laws do, as far as I can tell all rights are privileges.
    Or to put it a little less philosophically, I had a rash, something that may or may not be herpes, and they don't test anything other than sores here. So I'm not under any legal obligation to do anything, and any "rights" are in fact null and void.
    Ethics are as varied as the individual, and I grow a little tired of having my responsibility brought up when this forum was founded on the grounds of women actively choosing to avoid responsibility. Do I really owe them anything?
    If you're going to have sex with someone, and you have a disease that is transmitted through sex, you should tell her. This has nothing to do with feminism or anything else. It is about being responsible. I'd say just wear a condom and whatever but if she has oral sex with you, it can be transmitted that way. It sucks but I think that it is the right thing to do.

    ETA- I think in some states it is illegal to know you have a sexually transmittable disease and not tell unsuspecting partners. I think Charlie Sheen, that actor, was involved in lawsuits for not telling women he had sex with that he has HIV. I mean, you're essentially putting someone in harm's way and not giving them an option to opt out.
    Last edited by Deidre; 03-18-2017 at 05:03 PM.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Deidre View Post
    If you're going to have sex with someone, and you have a disease that is transmitted through sex, you should tell her. This has nothing to do with feminism or anything else. It is about being responsible. I'd say just wear a condom and whatever but if she has oral sex with you, it can be transmitted that way. It sucks but I think that it is the right thing to do.

    ETA- I think in some states it is illegal to know you have a sexually transmittable disease and not tell unsuspecting partners. I think Charlie Sheen, that actor, was involved in lawsuits for not telling women he had sex with that he has HIV. I mean, you're essentially putting someone in harm's way and not giving them an option to opt out.
    I think in many places it is illegal to be diagnosed with an std and knowingly spread it, but there is a distinctive difference to my situation that I've already mentioned in my op and recent posts eh?
    I can tell you didn't read it though, as you aren't aware of the ineffectiveness of condoms in preventing skin to skin stds like Herpes and Hpv. Odds are you are carrying a few yourself entirely unaware.
    Last edited by mik1; 03-18-2017 at 05:14 PM.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Deidre's Avatar
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    Ah my bad lol ...well, for your own peace of mind, maybe see if you have it, get a proper diagnosis and if you don't, then you have nothing to be concerned over but if you do, I would share it before having sex.

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