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Thread: Personal Advice Wanted, please

  1. #11
    Senior Member Manalysis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by polite_disagreement View Post
    voidspawn, I had a serious question, and you called it ridiculous.
    Actually, if you read your original posting, you'll see that it was you yourself who called it ridiculous.

    There's nothing ridiculous about it ... but many of the things you say determine your answer (marriage, all the "beta" stuff, etc.) that are part of the the problem and of your choices, is not encompassed by the question. And it's not really "a" question, because it is worded in a very open ended way.
    Can you walk away? Should you walk away? Are you stupid for walking away, and are you afraid of being stupid? More afraid than being unhappy?
    And so on.

    My experience in the world is many men do have sharp hormone attacks, and do things they would not do if they had time to cool down.
    We all live in our own personal reality distortion field, fuelled - I guess - by the profit and loss statements of our own internal economy, which has biological, hormonal, psychological and cognitive ledgers, and a good deal more, I'm sure.
    These status reports, the "qarterlies of the mind", are presented to us in the form of moods, emotions, feelings, and thoughts.
    Plus, importantly, motivations. So yes, internal urges can become very strong, making it easy to accept a skewed, wishful-thinking version of reality.

    But most people who have spent serious time thinking seriously about people tend to agree that the defining trait of humans is freedom. As soon as your freedom is diminished, so is your humanity. We are fully capable of doing that to ourselves, too; that's what's called "bad faith"; the "It was stronger than me" explanations.
    For me, that's the answer to the "can" question: yes, you can.

    That said, it sounds like you've either marshalled all your good reasons and decided to not do something you're almost certain you'll regret (wise choice), or you're what they 100 years ago used to call "inhibited" - you really want to, but your hang-ups won't let you. And then you'll weep on your death bed (may it be long time in coming, knock on wood).

    Any choice involves "missing out" . if you go left, you can't go right, too. And some things - like cheating - are irreversible.
    So the question is:
    What is the value of the thing you are missing out? What is it worth to you?
    If you abstain, what do you gain, and what are these things worth?
    That is the "should" calculation; which only you can answer.

    But I suspect you ask the question because it filles your mind.
    I don't know if that is true, or if it is true, if that means something, and if it does, what it means; but I think is does mean something.

    As to the "image" side of it ... Mae West said she'd rather regret having done things than regret not having done them.
    There's something to be said for that, but can overdo the whole "carpe diem" thing, too. You still need to keep your wits about you.

    M
    Last edited by Manalysis; 08-14-2017 at 01:59 AM.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Mifune's Avatar
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    Language warning: (for those who might listen where it matters)



    The reason I thought about it because he's talking about keeping your dick in check, not because I think you should "do it, do it, fucking do it"
    "...but when she goes off you, she will not just walk away, she will walk away with your fucking skin in a jar." ~~ DoctorRandomercam
    "The laws of man, they don't apply when blood gets in a woman's eye" - The Black Keys

  3. #13
    basically you know what you're supposed to do.

    yes you can walk away.

    but how?

    well dont be alone with another female but your wife. thats the first rule.

    its hard for any man.

    or just talk to your wife see how she feels about you sleeping with another woman. and if she says no. then dont.

    if she dont care then whatever. etc...
    Quote Originally Posted by TheNarrator View Post
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  4. #14
    Senior Member voidspawn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by polite_disagreement View Post
    voidspawn, I had a serious question, and you called it ridiculous. Nice, huh? My guess here is you have never encountered the circumstance as James has.

    My experience in the world is many men do have sharp hormone attacks, and do things they would not do if they had time to cool down. One of us spent 10,000 hours counseling divorced men in almost every circumstances. I don't think it was you. I also am aware that different men have different susceptibility to temptation than others. I don't know how to tell my own resistance, unless and until and if it happens. James gave the most usable advice, thanks, James.
    I called the scenario you described in the quoted text ridiculous. Don't make up nonsense about what people say, it's all there on the forum thread. I've answered the question seriously. And I have trained to and counselled lots of men in lots of age groups, but mostly young over a lot of problems. Including some having their lives destroyed by accusations where people believed the accusations because of stereotypes that males become uncontrollable when horny.

    PD, you are displaying pretty classic denial, and ignoring your own responsibility in the situation by inventing scenarios and excuses where you don't have any choice and must do what you want to anyway. Sooner you admit that it is something you want to do to yourself (not important here) the better you'll be able to move forward. Which ever way you choose.

    My answers, that you've ignored are that it's a choice, the entire situation is choices, hers and yours. That you can raise this on this forum proves that you are making conscious choices about it, yet you describe these things in scenario and terms where your choices get eliminated.

    I've dealt with many people in the situation who most needed the advice about accepting their role in reality, the descriptions change but some things stick out like a sore thumb.

    Don't be so arrogant as to assume that others have no life experience or have never done anything to help others.
    "...especially when it comes to communication, it can be observed, if it is not a negotiation it's a war."
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    oh give me a home where the hookers do roam, and the femsocialists aren't on tv all gay
    where seldom is heard a man demonizing word, and the skies aren't snowy all day
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  5. #15
    Senior Member mr_e's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by polite_disagreement View Post
    No, not advice. Opinions, I guess.

    Let me first say as ridiculous as this posting may seem to be, I am totally serious about it.

    Maybe I should blurt out the question and then explain because the question will probably attract some attention.

    Can a 75 year old man walk away from a sexy 19 to 28 year old woman if she gets partly or totally naked on him?

    Of course the answer technically would probably be; depends upon the man. But, I need more details if possible.

    Please dismiss the idea that it is unthinkable a 75 year old man would ever encounter such a problem. I am in rural Mexico. Old men are respected in Mexico, and there are several young women who have told a cousin they'd like to do me. Plus the two, age 19 and 28, we already have a pleasant relationship. The 28 is married, and has been trying to seduce me since she was around 18. That is primarily hypergamy, but she also enjoys the fact I am somewhat educated compared to her husband and the manual laborers here. She lives on the property of her in-laws,and when I visit the in-laws, I play with her kids and at times chat with her. And, her kids absolutely adore me, as I do them.

    This whole concept really stunned me. My first 55 years, I was hit on by a married woman exactly one time, and except for the two wives, zero times by any other women. Normal beta stuff, I suppose. I was so naive it was 6 months before I realized that married woman had been serious. Here in Mexico, since I was 55 when I came here, it seems this is an issue at least once a year, and it has been women under 30 every time. Not usually married women, though, just the one.

    I made the decision many years ago not to violate my wedding vows. Of course, that was easy enough when I had no temptations.

    But, it is still my personal goal. I don't like lying and sneaking around, and I am sure I would be guilt ridden if I cheated.

    I am old, but not dead. When I was 64, a 14 year old girl fell head over heels crazy in love with me. Scared me half to death.

    Last year, when I was 74, a 14 year old English student started acting like she had a crush on me, but a very lady like crush, not a crazy one.

    And, a few years ago, when a totally gorgeous twenty something had her female boss ask me if I wanted her as a mistress, I had cold chills for a week. So, I know I am not beyond being tempted. I just don't know how much resistance I have, if any.

    I thought I found the answer in the Bible. I remembered it saying a man is a fool who walks in the street in front of the house of the immoral woman. That was a clue hinting that men might not be able to walk away. But, now I can't find it again.

    At present, I handle my doubts by decreeing very publicly that no woman any age can come in my house alone when my wife is not there.

    But, I do worry since I have never been tested. And, strange things do happen in life. Any thoughts?

    My opinion is to stick with your wife, assuming you have a good relationship with her. There are lots of intangible benefits that having a good, faithful wife (woman) has that some slick piece of ass probably will never have. She's a flash in the pan. One alternate suggestion-- and I hesitate to bring it up because if you're not fully aware of your relationship with your wife, it could really make things go south in a hurry-- er, further south than Mexico ;-) And that would be to discuss it with your wife (perhaps even hypothetically... I've got this friend...) and see what her reaction / opinion on it is. Maybe she wouldn't mind if you did.
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  6. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by polite_disagreement View Post
    My experience in the world is many men do have sharp hormone attacks, and do things they would not do if they had time to cool down. One of us spent 10,000 hours counseling divorced men in almost every circumstances. I don't think it was you. I also am aware that different men have different susceptibility to temptation than others. I don't know how to tell my own resistance, unless and until and if it happens. James gave the most usable advice, thanks, James.
    i quite like voidspawns response to this.

    but i'd like to ad

    WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT

    you know what the difference is?? some men have integrity and self control and intelligence enough to realize the ramifications of their actions

    no one has hormonal attacks like that. its simple not true.

    i HATE how drunks after the fact say "well i was drunk"

    brother ive been drunk as hell but never EVER have i not been able to make my own decisions while drunk.

    and the people who claim they cant. simple are weak willed idiots. just like anyone who says "hormones"

    i agree with voidspawn's post VERY much.

    and i still like my previous post. if you dont want to cheat. dont be in a room alone with another woman.>SIMPLE
    Quote Originally Posted by TheNarrator View Post
    Everywhere I travel, tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter. The microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample-packaged mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. The people I meet on each flight? They're single-serving friends.

  7. #17
    @TN >>no one has hormonal attacks like that. its simple not true.

    That is what I wanted an opinion on, exactly. If true, then the answer is, yes, I can walk away even from a naked woman. At least in your opinion, if I am self-disciplined. and, I think I am.

  8. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by polite_disagreement View Post
    @TN >>no one has hormonal attacks like that. its simple not true.

    That is what I wanted an opinion on, exactly. If true, then the answer is, yes, I can walk away even from a naked woman. At least in your opinion, if I am self-disciplined. and, I think I am.
    i think yes then, but i think that deep inside you want to fuck said younger ladies. which... most men do.

    so part of what is required is to NOT find yourself alone with another woman
    Quote Originally Posted by TheNarrator View Post
    Everywhere I travel, tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter. The microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample-packaged mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. The people I meet on each flight? They're single-serving friends.

  9. #19
    Well... after our short exchange on that other forum line... I was not sure if I should post here...

    But, then I say to myself... why no?

    So here I go...

    In my opinion you should not be asking the question you're asking... because honestly at this point you're already halfway gone...

    See?

    If you are in a situation where the young woman flirt with you... you should no be wondering if you can resist the temptation... the real point is that she should have never be able to flirt, in the first place.

    Let's say she feel... shame of tell her friends that you rejected her, so she decide to made up some erotic fantasy instead... How that would play for you?

    But you is you, in the other forum line you told me that you have "adopted" (you actually put it on quotation marks) many daughters and granddaughters. Here you are telling us that you have all this feelings for young women and they do have feelings for you too... As I say before, you are playing a very dangerous game.

    In the other hand... you might as well take advantage of the situation and bang as many of them as you can? then claim that in your elder years you suffer dementia? I think a german guy did that and it worked out fine for him... was it Nietzsche?

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