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  • Thorn between letting go or risk getting back in

    So after losing faith in women, working on myself, making some long dreams come true, I was finally in a good place and happy, determined not to be disrespected anymore and being single for a long time. Then I met an intriguing
    woman at a friend's birthday, we chatted on FB eventually meeting again, that was 6 months ago and at first I didn't see much in her until I realized what a quality woman she is, so then we started seeing each other regularly for 3
    months, we even went on a 6 days vacation to Florence, that was flawless and a very magical time for both of us. Every time we do something together, you think it's going to be a 2h meet or something, we end up spending 8h or
    even sleeping over at night, there is a real chemistry there.

    She is pretty shy and doesn't want to hurt people ever, but she doesn't play games and she's very clear about what she thinks, she would phone me every evening talking about her life and wanting my advice on many matters.
    She never gets upset like some women for things she misunderstands and she thinks women nowadays complain too much and disrespect men, which she absolutely dislikes, so even if I know unicorns don't exist, she sure is damn
    close to being one as it gets. She very honestly asked me to be patient with her while in Florence, saying that she didn't know whether she was in love or not, apparently she doesn't sleep or get in relationships with men fast, which
    clearly adds to her qualities. So for once I felt I could trust a woman, because she respects me and I would be patient seeing a possibility of a great relationship like never before !

    Flash forward 3 weeks ago, we were talking on the phone she invited me to go to the theater, but she then told me she had tummy aches and didn't sleep well because she still didn't understand her feelings. Then came the dreaded
    phrase, "I don't know if we should continue or be friends" that was a thousand punches in the gut, I stayed strong and told her I didn't want to be her friend because I'm already too attached to her, that if this is what she wants then
    we wouldn't see each other again and cut contact completely, she began crying and was unable to take a decision, so I said let's sleep and talk tomorrow.
    The next day I texted her that I didn't feel comfortable coming to the theater, that she now needs to take time and think about all this carefully, because I was patient and guys like me don't come every day, so we won't talk, text or
    see each other anymore and if she ever figures it out, I can't promise to still be there for her ! She said I was right, she needs time to think and admitted she has no clue what she wants, but she was very sad because she told me I'm
    a beautiful person.
    Though I was devastated, I know that was the only thing to do for me not going crazy and resentful, over the situation and she might realize she's making a mistake.


    She's a great person, but doesn't know how to say no and she's such a perfectionist that she gets anxious about being rude, or fucking up things. So I might be wrong but to me she's letting her many problems, which she has right
    now at her work, with her roommates, finishing her PHD or being far from her family, wreck her mind and I guess incorporating someone in all this, makes her so anxious she doesn't understand what she feels.
    So here's my conundrum, having worked on myself in the past years, I realized I have saviors syndrome and attracted only women who had deep issues, but at the same time I see all the very uncommon qualities of this woman and
    it kills me to just let it go like this, because I wonder if even she misses me, will she contact me back over the fear of hurting me !? So I'm wondering if this time taking some risk would be worth it or if though I think I'm seeing this
    logically, based on her qualities, if I'm not trying to save her from all her problems again like in the past !

    But honestly like this weekend, I had parties and got out, one or 2 women talked to me seeming interested, which of course is always nice and these seemed okay from the conversations we had, but I just don't really feel any interest !

    What do you pragmatic people think ?

  • #2
    She dumped you but obfuscated the fact to avoid having to state it directly.

    Take her off the pedestal, it’ll make moving on a fuck of a lot easier.... believe me, I know.

    Comment


    • #3
      I learned a new word today thanks !

      Not really, because even when she talked about being friends she asked me how I saw us and waited for my point of view, this all led me to brake it off because she's unsure, she would still plan going to the theater if I didn't say no.
      Women that don't give a fuck and do this in the shadows, just don't want to see or interact then at all.

      I know she doesn't poop gold she has her shortcomings I'm completely aware of them and not prone to pedestalize women, believe me I had crazies in the past !

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Desesperado View Post
        What do you pragmatic people think ?
        It's just a variation on the shit-test...and yr meant to chase that skirt

        and if it isnt, you should give less of a fuck... she will call...or not.

        either way, she's playing games.
        "Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one" - Charles Mackay

        And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee. - Donne

        "What we are seeing in this headless misandry is a grand display of the Tyranny of the Underdog: 'I am a wretchedly longstanding victim; therefore I own no burden of adult accountability, nor need to honor any restraint against my words and actions. In fact, all efforts to restrain me are only further proof of my oppressed condition.'
        "It is the most perfect trump-card against accountable living ever devised." - Gladden Schrock

        "What remains for most men in modern life is a world of expectation without reward, burden without honor and service without self" - Paul Elam

        Comment


        • #5
          So I know women tend to be emotional instead of rational and shit tests are made to prevent them mating with inferior men, finding the ones that resist these.
          But really you think a woman, after 3 months going flawlessly, will suddenly say, damn I need to shit test that guy... It doesn't really make sense !

          I might be delusional, because of course I like her, but really she's shown to be a very logical woman during 3 months, so I don't really buy that explanation !

          Comment


          • #6
            yep. im with the above two.

            she was no unicorn. she was nothing special.

            please read the above..10 times. and realize

            but i get the feeling when she calls you'll go find her regardless of what we say here.

            how old is she and how old are you?

            you didnt give alot of info but you wrote a lot.. praising her etc.. but almost zero info. it was like you were trying to convince us how amazing she is..instead of telling us data we can work from.

            you are a beta white knight type. not trying to insult you. im trying to show you your own behaviour problems

            did you fuck her when you slept over? cause it sounds like you didnt and slept on couch in your story?
            Last edited by TheNarrator; 01-29-2018, 08:59 PM.
            Originally posted by MatrixTransform
            where were you before you put yourself last?
            Originally posted by TheNarrator
            Everywhere I travel, tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter. The microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample-packaged mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. The people I meet on each flight? They're single-serving friends.

            Comment


            • #7
              Well what information do you need I don't really see what to say, I tried explaining her character, which is why I'm thinking about doing something.
              I could tell you all about my abusive self centered exes, which is why I stayed alone and recognize this one is really different, still stuff she does bother me, but it seems you're a bit keen to put me in the white knight category, which I totally was, but worked on it while being alone !

              I wouldn't have seen her 3 months if she wasn't giving it, I'm patient but I'm not a monk, nor just a nice guy even if you think so ! She's 27 not much relationship, she was studying like crazy, I'm 35 and learned from lots of crazy women.

              So more details ! She doesn't know how to say no, so her boss makes her do crappy stuff and overwork, I told her she needs to affirm herself that nice people get walked over.
              Then she's finishing a PhD while working and her thesis responsible is an asshole trying to kind of steel the work.
              She can't afford living alone and her roommate is moving, so she's freaking out and needs to find a new one.
              She's also very familly oriented and they live far away, so she's a bit depressed by that too.

              I know I can't solve these for her, I don't intend to, she needs to toughen up and face these things, but that's why I think she genuinely has issues including a guy in her life, that's the drop of water too much.

              Hope this all helps !

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Desesperado View Post
                Flash forward 3 weeks ago, we were talking on the phone she invited me to go to the theater, but she then told me she had tummy aches and didn't sleep well because she still didn't understand her feelings. Then came the dreaded phrase, "I don't know if we should continue or be friends" that was a thousand punches in the gut, I stayed strong and told her I didn't want to be her friend because I'm already too attached to her, that if this is what she wants then we wouldn't see each other again and cut contact completely, she began crying and was unable to take a decision, so I said let's sleep and talk tomorrow. The next day I texted her that I didn't feel comfortable coming to the theater, that she now needs to take time and think about all this carefully, because I was patient and guys like me don't come every day, so we won't talk, text or see each other anymore and if she ever figures it out, I can't promise to still be there for her ! She said I was right, she needs time to think and admitted she has no clue what she wants, but she was very sad because she told me I'm a beautiful person. Though I was devastated, I know that was the only thing to do for me not going crazy and resentful, over the situation and she might realize she's making a mistake.
                What she's trying very hard to tell you without telling you is that she thinks she can do better than you, but she doesn't really want to part ways with you just in case she's wrong.
                "...but when she goes off you, she will not just walk away, she will walk away with your fucking skin in a jar." ~~ DoctorRandomercam
                "The laws of man, they don't apply when blood gets in a woman's eye" - The Black Keys

                Comment


                • #9
                  Nice avatar Mifune, love it !

                  You might be right indeed, though if she believes that, then she's going to regret it, good luck finding a cultivated guy that makes twice what she does, cooks well, plays many instruments, is preparing to pass his black belt and goes on adventure rides with his motorcycle, especially when she'll have hit the wall !

                  I don't give second chances to those women !

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Desesperado View Post
                    Nice avatar Mifune, love it !

                    You might be right indeed, though if she believes that, then she's going to regret it, good luck finding a cultivated guy that makes twice what she does, cooks well, plays many instruments, is preparing to pass his black belt and goes on adventure rides with his motorcycle, especially when she'll have hit the wall !

                    I don't give second chances to those women !
                    why you trying to convince us?

                    and.. i DID ask what info i wanted in my post,

                    so. you're 27/35. you make twice what she makes.

                    and you guys had sex.

                    clearly something wasnt making her happy. what was it?
                    Originally posted by MatrixTransform
                    where were you before you put yourself last?
                    Originally posted by TheNarrator
                    Everywhere I travel, tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter. The microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample-packaged mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. The people I meet on each flight? They're single-serving friends.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by TheNarrator View Post
                      why you trying to convince us?

                      and.. i DID ask what info i wanted in my post,

                      so. you're 27/35. you make twice what she makes.

                      and you guys had sex.

                      clearly something wasnt making her happy. what was it?
                      Not trying to convince you, just stating reality I did explain I worked on myself and chose being single that's the result, you really want to assume lots of things on myself, that's kind of weird but whatever !

                      I came here for insights and you ask me why she wasn't happy !? What do I know, she never said she was and anyway if she really was, I think it's her problem thinking she'll find better, I really did all I could.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        choosing to be single for a small duration and then going for a girl why? for all kinds of red flags that should have been visible to you at this point.


                        im not asking why she wasnt happy. im implying you should know. how the hell are we to know? all we can tell you is she was NOT happy. so you should move on. and if she comes crawling back to you..you should tell her "NO THANKS"
                        Originally posted by MatrixTransform
                        where were you before you put yourself last?
                        Originally posted by TheNarrator
                        Everywhere I travel, tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter. The microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample-packaged mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. The people I meet on each flight? They're single-serving friends.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          She be getting whats she wants one way or another.

                          Guessing but, sounds a bit like she'd rather keep it casual.

                          Maybe your'e not her only dalliance?

                          If you aren't getting what you want then cut it loose.

                          Phone her up on Fri... Booty Call woman, put down the books and get an Uber.

                          ...bring pizza
                          "Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one" - Charles Mackay

                          And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee. - Donne

                          "What we are seeing in this headless misandry is a grand display of the Tyranny of the Underdog: 'I am a wretchedly longstanding victim; therefore I own no burden of adult accountability, nor need to honor any restraint against my words and actions. In fact, all efforts to restrain me are only further proof of my oppressed condition.'
                          "It is the most perfect trump-card against accountable living ever devised." - Gladden Schrock

                          "What remains for most men in modern life is a world of expectation without reward, burden without honor and service without self" - Paul Elam

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by TheNarrator View Post
                            choosing to be single for a small duration and then going for a girl why? for all kinds of red flags that should have been visible to you at this point.


                            im not asking why she wasnt happy. im implying you should know. how the hell are we to know? all we can tell you is she was NOT happy. so you should move on. and if she comes crawling back to you..you should tell her "NO THANKS"
                            Why ? Because even if I realize hypergamy is in all women and you have to be careful, I still want to build a family, so like Peterson says, find someone with whom you can negotiate, a woman that's quite logical and less emotional. Now that's my choice, if all you're going to say is I'm an idiot for wanting this, you can refrain posting !

                            All the red flags ? In the 3 months with that woman she invited me all the time, I know all her friends and sisters, she always said she was great with me and never implied shit or got upset about my behaviours... the only red flag would be she doesn't know how to say no, well since no women has no red flags, I'm fine with just that one.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by MatrixTransform View Post
                              She be getting whats she wants one way or another.

                              Guessing but, sounds a bit like she'd rather keep it casual.

                              Maybe your'e not her only dalliance?

                              If you aren't getting what you want then cut it loose.

                              Phone her up on Fri... Booty Call woman, put down the books and get an Uber.

                              ...bring pizza
                              Yep I know, they always get what they want and also sometimes come back crying, which kills all my desire for a woman !

                              But it's cut loose allready, I have other prospects going out this weekend, thanks man !

                              Comment

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