Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Apparently, I am a callous bastard because I don't want women taking advantage of me

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Apparently, I am a callous bastard because I don't want women taking advantage of me

    Yeah, that's the line I am getting from virtually everybody else in my family. Needless to say, my family should not have been involved in this. If this particular woman had respected my boundaries, she would have not embedded herself into my family system to begin with.

    I met her about seven years ago, when I was volunteering at a mental health resource center. She decided to start clinging on to me, and at the time, when I was a practicing addict, I let her cling on to me. I felt more than just a bit of codependence. In my insanity, I wanted to try to help keep her safe from her own insanity. But what I did not realize at the time is that I could not possibly help anybody who honestly had no desire to help themselves.

    I had no attraction to this woman whatsoever. She is more than two decades older than I am, and she has a lot more issues than what I do. But my parents met her, and they nudged me into keeping her into my life. I had no balls at that point. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my own life. I was raised to be a doormat, so I acted like a doormat.

    This woman was more than just slightly creepy, but I let her keep on walking over me. She always begged me for money, food, an ear for her insane rantings, time, etc. She always took from me while giving nothing in return. When I was in the midst of my deep depression, she probably thought she was being a good friend while she was talking to me in the most patronizing tone imaginable. Eventually, she moved into the same apartment complex that I live in, just so she could peek in my window when I didn't answer the phone after she called ten times in half an hour. I wanted to cut her out of my life, but I let my family talk me into continuing to enable her predatory behavior. She did not want me to be her friend. She wanted me to be her sugar daddy. With her disability check and her pension, she has a much larger income than I do. Yet she spends all her money on crap she does not need, and whenever she did that, which was every month, she turned to me to bail her out of her own irresponsibility. I was a coward for not saying no right from the start. I was an easy target, and she caught on to that right from the start. Eventually, she started contacting my other family members in an attempt to get them on her side. It was the case of a seemingly "poor and disadvantaged" female against the word of a young man who was recovering from substance addiction.

    Let's not even get into the seriously creepy moments when she tried to get me to watch pornography with her.

    Let's not even get into the time I watched Schindler's List with her, and hearing her talk about how the Jews in that film were so stupid that they deserved to die.

    I will get into the fact that I kept the blinds closed in my windows for about three years because of how she peeked into them when I refused to answer her calls. And then I had to hear earful after earful about how much it hurt her that I didn't answer her calls, yet she kept on insisting that she refused to cry because she was supposedly a stronger person than I was. Then she got hurt because I stopped going shopping with her. Well, every time I did go shopping with her, she started demanding that I put stuff I needed to buy for myself back on the shelf just so she could get crap like cupcakes and Diet Coke. And she also loved to elbow her way through me in the checkout line just so she could use her store rewards card on my purchases. And everything I did buy for myself, she demanded a piece of. If I bought myself vitamins, she begged me for a handful. If I bought myself a bag of rice, she begged me for a few cups.

    I remember one month, I bought myself an iPod. She loved it so much that a couple of days later, she bought herself one. Then she begged me to use my computer so she could pirate the music I bought for myself to use on her iPod. Then she had no money for her psychiatric medication because she bought the iPod, and she begged me to bail her out. When I told her I could not, she cried to my parents. This woman is over 50 years of age, and she is acting like she is a toddler.

    About a year ago, I told her that she was not to contact me again under any circumstances. That day, she left me several voicemails, which I deleted without listening. Now, she is trying to guilt my grandmother into convincing me to let her back into my life. I hear all the time, "She's had such a hard life, you are so lacking in empathy, you have no clue what she is going through." I do have some clue what she is going through. I lived through mental illness hell myself. But the difference between me and her is that I am not using my problems as an excuse for outrageously inappropriate behavior. I finally decided to be a man, and to take accountability for my actions, and to not engage in any behavior that would make me ashamed of myself. She has no sense of guilt or shame. She is a reptilian narcissist. Yet, because I am male and she is female, I am supposed to let myself continue to bend to her sociopathic will.

    It has recently been proven through my mental health treatment that I never actually had any cognitive disabilities. I also recently took a Mensa test, and I scored 157. I am pretty fucking capable of being able to tell what is going on around me. My childhood diagnosis of autism (which my family always used against me) is also very much debatable at this point. I was born into a family where generation after generation of mothers treated their children like surrogate spouses. And I am insensitive and judgmental because I dare to speak out about how totally fucked up it is that the mothers in my bloodline love their sons as if they were men; a vicarious and/or covert sexual release sometimes, and a blatant whipping post at others.

    I am tired of letting the cunts in the world use me as a doormat. I am tired of being labeled as hateful or insensitive just because I refuse to let anybody take of advantage of me at this point in my life. I am tired of women that look at my past diagnosis and see me as an easy target to boost their own ego.

    I am tired of people telling me that it is "very sad" that I refuse to let this woman back into my life. It is not sad. It is liberating. What would truly be sad is if I let her back into my life and I continued to enable her predatory behavior. Women like her need to face the consequences of their actions. It is not politically correct to make statements like that, I know. But fuck political correctness. If it enables leeches, it has no useful purpose in society.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Beat View Post
    It is not politically correct to make statements like that, I know. But fuck political correctness.
    Ah, the sweet sounds of someone realizing that what other people think of you means jack shit.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Beat View Post
      I was born into a family where generation after generation of mothers treated their children like surrogate spouses. And I am insensitive and judgmental because I dare to speak out about how totally fucked up it is that the mothers in my bloodline love their sons as if they were men; a vicarious and/or covert sexual release sometimes, and a blatant whipping post at others.

      I am tired of letting the cunts in the world use me as a doormat. I am tired of being labeled as hateful or insensitive just because I refuse to let anybody take of advantage of me at this point in my life. I am tired of women that look at my past diagnosis and see me as an easy target to boost their own ego.

      I am tired of people telling me that it is "very sad" that I refuse to let this woman back into my life. It is not sad. It is liberating. What would truly be sad is if I let her back into my life and I continued to enable her predatory behavior. Women like her need to face the consequences of their actions. It is not politically correct to make statements like that, I know. But fuck political correctness. If it enables leeches, it has no useful purpose in society.

      It seems to that your family is toxic , sorry to say. I wouldn't be surprised if they are responsible for previous mental health problems in someway or another. This womans presence is a symptom of the toxicity. Cut out your family no matter how painful it is and you will make the woman disappear in no time.
      You are still young. Go MGTOW , change your last name if necessary , travel/work abroad. Start afresh. Leave behind poisonous environments and peoples

      Comment


      • #4
        It's not selfish to do things for yourself, selfishness comes when you ask others to do things for you. And if you coerce or manipulate others into doing things for you it goes beyond selfish into the territory of abuse.

        I can't remember who said that first sentence, and the second is my own addition, but I'd say it's a pretty good yardstick. If someone asks you for something they have no right to ask for it's them who are being selfish for asking, not you who are being selfish for refusing. If you want to do it there's no problem, but always remember that there's no reason on this earth to be ashamed of saying no to an unreasonable demand, no matter what guilt they may try to pile on you. In the case of this old psychopath she's gone beyond selfish into the realm of abuse, and you are perfectly reasonable in breaking contact with her, no matter what anyone else may say.
        Disillusionment: Another word for reality.

        Comment


        • #5
          You know, when I was 19 years old, my parents took me to a therapist because I was dropping out of college and had moved my girlfriend into my apartment.

          And that therapist sized up the situation and said "Well, this might not be the advice your parents are paying for, but it's the advice that's going to fix the problem. The most important sentence you'll ever learn is 'Mom, Dad, I love you and I appreciate the advice, but I'm not going to take it. I've made my own decision."

          Possibly the most important advice anyone has ever given me. Ever.

          This woman is obviously toxic, but even more toxic is your relationship with your family, where for whatever reason, you find it difficult to say "Mom, Dad, Grandma, whatever, I love you and I appreciate the advice, but I've got to make a decision here."

          You've known for a long time what needs to be done; congratulations on doing it, and sorry it took so long.

          For all the whining about how your decision was "very sad," at the end of the day, people have more respect for those who make hard decisions and carry them out, even ones that may be unpopular at the time.

          Comment


          • #6
            Yeah, I finally decided to take a stand against my family. My mother has made it more than clear that she wants me to live through my life as a perpetually castrated doormat, and she has managed to turn the rest of the family against me under the lie that I was born with cognitive and intellectual disabilities.

            It has recently been proven that my cognitive abilities are perfectly fine, and that I generally have a very good idea of what is going on around me. And anybody who truly has an intellectual disability would never score above 150 on a Mensa test.

            My mother has received restraining orders from my doctors and therapists in the past, because she was harassing them by leaving messages telling them not to listen to me, but to her instead. Her excuse? She did it "because she loves me". Yeah, she only says she "loves" me in a patronizing way. It is easier for her to tell herself that I am broken beyond repair than it is for her to take responsibility for her own actions. So, when she says she "loves" me, she says she loves using her delusions of who I am to boost her own self-image. Kinda like how she would look upon a limbless dog.

            Funny, the more I try to reject the perpetual victim mentality, the more I realize that I have every right to be pissed off about all of this. The more I empower myself, the more I realize just how fucked-up everything is. I take back my balls, and I gain a sense of deep-seated rage. I was powerless when I was a child. But I am a child no more. I am accepting that I will never find anything affirming in a positive light from my bloodline. With acceptance comes anger. But through this anger comes the motivation to not give their words any more value than what they deserve.

            Comment


            • #7
              I guess I'm a callous bastard too, oh well.

              Comment


              • #8
                Let us drink to being callous bastards, then. I'll buy the first round.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Here's to being Callous Bastards! Let our Callousness be everlasting.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I do believe we have a rather annoying spambot on our forums.

                    Edit: looks like the post got deleted
                    Last edited by Rwkropf; 07-09-2014, 08:43 PM.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Beat View Post
                      Yeah, I finally decided to take a stand against my family. My mother has made it more than clear that she wants me to live through my life as a perpetually castrated doormat, and she has managed to turn the rest of the family against me under the lie that I was born with cognitive and intellectual disabilities.

                      It has recently been proven that my cognitive abilities are perfectly fine, and that I generally have a very good idea of what is going on around me. And anybody who truly has an intellectual disability would never score above 150 on a Mensa test.

                      My mother has received restraining orders from my doctors and therapists in the past, because she was harassing them by leaving messages telling them not to listen to me, but to her instead. Her excuse? She did it "because she loves me". Yeah, she only says she "loves" me in a patronizing way. It is easier for her to tell herself that I am broken beyond repair than it is for her to take responsibility for her own actions. So, when she says she "loves" me, she says she loves using her delusions of who I am to boost her own self-image. Kinda like how she would look upon a limbless dog.

                      Funny, the more I try to reject the perpetual victim mentality, the more I realize that I have every right to be pissed off about all of this. The more I empower myself, the more I realize just how fucked-up everything is. I take back my balls, and I gain a sense of deep-seated rage. I was powerless when I was a child. But I am a child no more. I am accepting that I will never find anything affirming in a positive light from my bloodline. With acceptance comes anger. But through this anger comes the motivation to not give their words any more value than what they deserve.
                      I don't want to get too Buddhist here, but I think it's important to say this to you: anger is not strength. Anger is weakness. Anger is what happens when you want to be strong, but you can't be strong, so you beat your fists against the walls just so you can feel your muscles work. And you accomplish nothing in the process, except perhaps bruising your fists and damaging your walls.

                      True strength lies in making a decision, and then executing that decision without any self-doubt, without any deviation from your course, but also without anger.

                      If your mom says "Get back with your girlfriend" and you say "Yes, mum," that's weakness.
                      If your mom says "Get back with your girlfriend" and you say "FUCK YOU! I HATE YOU!" that's also weakness.
                      If your mom says "Get back with your girlfriend" and you say "Mom, I love you, but seriously, that's very bad advice. I won't be doing that" - that is strength.

                      This is a concept that's served me very well throughout my life: yelling is the equivalent of pulling your pants down and taking a shit on the floor. It's beneath human dignity. It never gets you anything. It's utterly unacceptable human behavior. There is never a need for it, and if you succumb to it, you've already lost.

                      Sorry to get all preachy, but, well, I feel like this is something that needs to be said more often.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Mathison View Post
                        I don't want to get too Buddhist here, but I think it's important to say this to you: anger is not strength. Anger is weakness. Anger is what happens when you want to be strong, but you can't be strong, so you beat your fists against the walls just so you can feel your muscles work. And you accomplish nothing in the process, except perhaps bruising your fists and damaging your walls.

                        True strength lies in making a decision, and then executing that decision without any self-doubt, without any deviation from your course, but also without anger.

                        If your mom says "Get back with your girlfriend" and you say "Yes, mum," that's weakness.
                        If your mom says "Get back with your girlfriend" and you say "FUCK YOU! I HATE YOU!" that's also weakness.
                        If your mom says "Get back with your girlfriend" and you say "Mom, I love you, but seriously, that's very bad advice. I won't be doing that" - that is strength.

                        This is a concept that's served me very well throughout my life: yelling is the equivalent of pulling your pants down and taking a shit on the floor. It's beneath human dignity. It never gets you anything. It's utterly unacceptable human behavior. There is never a need for it, and if you succumb to it, you've already lost.

                        Sorry to get all preachy, but, well, I feel like this is something that needs to be said more often.
                        I am of the opinion that anger in itself is neutral. I am not going to pound my fists against any walls, I am just going to acknowledge that the anger is there, and move on with my life. If anger in itself equated to pure weakness, we may as well say that every human is weak. Emotions are emotions and everybody is irrational with those at times. Actions are what make a man.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Beat View Post
                          I am of the opinion that anger in itself is neutral. I am not going to pound my fists against any walls, I am just going to acknowledge that the anger is there, and move on with my life. If anger in itself equated to pure weakness, we may as well say that every human is weak. Emotions are emotions and everybody is irrational with those at times. Actions are what make a man.
                          There is a saying in psychology in recent years that you are the sole controller of your feelings. While I have to disagree on NUMEROUS levels (for one, your response is instantaneous due to the amygdala and stress response, a biological function), but it is indeed in your power to control your actions and halt thought processes ONCE YOU HAVE IDENTIFIED A PATTERN OF BEHAVIOUR. Only then can you anticipate, prepare and respond appropriately and it's really, really, really, really, really hard. Anger is a normal, healthy reaction to many events; it is what you do with it. Anger is often a wonderful motivator to go forth and make change, take action, etc. While this can also fuel a dangerous fire, it can be the spark of a great something. This movement, for instance. The anger, frustration and sadness with some realization and epiphany and boom. MHRM.
                          "Not all with tits are twisted." -Me

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Thank you for your post, Beat.

                            I have had a similar situation with my family. My mother and yours could be twins.

                            You're on the right track, mate.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Mathison what you describe as strength I know as wrath, it is a terrible thing indeed when you make a decision, and then executing that decision without any self-doubt, without any deviation from your course, with out any remorse or even any emotion.
                              often it takes far more strength to let those emotions out by yelling, hit something which will not feel it and damages only yourself and to turn and walk away,
                              least you make that irreversible decision which will carry you forward with dead eyes and a dead heart until the job is done.

                              when your natural reaction rather than express your anger honestly is to take that anger and lock it away deep inside well; a little firecracker popping on the sidewalk is loud but relatively harmless but if you take that same firecracker and wrap your fist around it tightly the damage it will do when it goes off is tremendous.
                              "It is the greatest inequality to try to make unequal things equal." - Aristotle

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X